Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
