How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
