My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
