you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
