take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
