Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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