I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
