At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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