doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
