I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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