In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
