Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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