Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
