we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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