I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
