Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
