I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
