This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
