I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
