I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
