Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
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