I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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