I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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