I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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