Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
