A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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