Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
