Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
