i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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