She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
