I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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