The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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