Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
