My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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