Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
