ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
