Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
