DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Randomize
