hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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