Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
