I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
