I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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