You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
