my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
