If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just pynch a tree in the face
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
