He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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