Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
