A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
