i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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