some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
