Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
pray to the hookup gods
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
