she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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