Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
