After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
