I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
