i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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