i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
