I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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